asterisk-boobnoise:

pepelover22:

*runs myself over with a tractor*

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND —- MY UNCLE IS A FARMER
AND ONE DAY HE WAS GOING OUT TO CHECK HIS CROPS
HE NOTICES A TRACTOR JUST GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES
Thinks, “That’s weird, I go check it out”
HIS FUCKING NEIGHBOR FELL OFF HIS TRACTOR AND GOT RAN OVER But he was on a slope So the tractor went around and around in circles
Running him over each time
and he was pressed into the ground like a fucking cartoon
How long had he been there? Maybe an hour.
He was alive, and fine. Just pressed into the dirt like Wile. E Coyote and was so stuck in there that he couldn’t move so he just kept getting run over until my uncle found him

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

1dapologist:

every 1d song: [absolute british gibberish] oh yeah girl you’re really hot [something vaguely lesbian in nature] [zayn vocalizing] 🗣babyy

gays:

(via freddiesmyqueen)

teaboot:

grayskiesrainyskies:

teaboot:

One time a guy and I were having an argument and he pulled a knife on me, and because I’m a dumbass idiot my response was to take out MY knife and go “what now, genius?” And what happened next was we just stood there for ten straight minutes not moving because niether of us wanted to put the knife down first and basically that’s our entire international situation regarding nuclear weapons

What happened afterwards?

My mom showed up

(via fourdrunksluts-deactivated20220)

hiswife87:

greyscalesound:

justbant3r:

when the custodian just mopped and u trying to be respectful 

Honestly if you don’t do this extra pointless ass tiptoe when this happens you’re trash who raised you

True

(via chescaleigh)

sighsofthetimes:

sighsofthetimes:

niall: “i have bad knees ! aha !”

niall 20 min later:

doctor: niall stop jumping you have bad knees

niall not listening:

(via )

kramergate:

i hate that post that’s like “what you named your stuffed animal as a kid is a personality test” cause the only notably named “stuffed animal” i had as a kid was one of those wretched baby dolls w hard plastic head feet and hands and a soft fabric body and i kept him fully nude at all times and often hurled him across the room just to hear the plastic THOCK against linoleum and his name was Bigfoot Larry so whatever that says about me i don’t wanna know

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

shittypostarchive:

pietriarchy:

shittypostarchive:

pietriarchy:

grapes have now officially been renamed to moist orbs thank you for listening 

20/8/2018

did you… did you create this blog only for this post

everyone’s gotta start somewhere, man

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

sapphic-giraffic:

lordacies:

writing-prompt-s:

Every year, the richest person in America is declared the “Winner of Capitalism.” They get a badge. Then all of their wealth is donated to charity and they have to start over at $0.

This procedure results in the worlds richest people donating excessive amounts of money ahead of the event in an attempt to avoid being hit by a real life blue shell. Thus adding to the overall annual donation.

Y'all think this is a joke but that’s literally how taxes are *supposed* to work

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

dragongf:

dragongf:

Harry really was playing football and twirled mid-game on the field… like a little ballerina twirl ….. much to think about

She’s my hero

(via freddiesmyqueen)

meganphntmgrl:

meganphntmgrl:

do you ever think about how weird it is that the moral of Frankenstein is kind of less just “graverobbing is weird and creepy” and more “take some fucking responsibility if you’re going to do so”

“if you’re going to create a large corpse son, you better be ready to love him”

(via rottweilerangel)

rnyfh:

the greeks at the gates of troy

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

idionymon:

thinking about how the burning of the library of alexandria is remembered as the most prominent historical symbol of the destruction of knowledge…but that’s nothing compared to the thousands of entire languages killed in America and Australia by the colonialists…

(via textpostsforyears)

yelnatszeroni:

notreewaits:

Toddlers are so pure. She doesn’t understand that we help her with certain things because she’s little. She thinks that everyone just helps each other like that. So she tries to blow on my food and cut it up for me and tries to help me put on my shoes.

i was giving little wagon rides to a baby around the backyard one day and all of a sudden she hops off and slaps the seat of the wagon telling me to get on because it was my turn and i was like no it’s ok im too heavy and she was like NO ITS UR TURN and kept tugging on my hand so i would sit down. eventually i got on and it was just a little 2 year old trying so hard to push me around on a wagon not understanding why it wouldn’t budge but still so determined to let me have my turn lol

(via imveryportobellomushroom)

darthlenaplant:

ranger-truth:

marzipanandminutiae:

elfman98:

hotdadcalendar:

I literally can’t get myself to sit through movies that don’t have women. I’m like where the fuck are the women? Why are there so many men? This is boring as fuck goodbye

Even if it’s historically accurate?

as everyone knows, women were invented in 1990

All the notes of “women weren’t on old time battlefields” are wrong. There were more prostitutes and merchant women than there were soldiers in most every encampment. They followed the armies, marching alongside them, and notably ran the camps.

Many more women dressed as men to fight.

Long before female nurses were officially considered to be a part of the military, they were already on the battlefield. They merely didn’t get written into official reports because they were “invisible women”, “not supposed to be there”. Usually they would be local women running a makeshift care center out of their homes.

Movies involving ancient societies? Guess how many had female fighters?

Spies? Mostly female. Yeah, only the men were caught, usually (because nobody suspected the servant woman), but historians believe most cases had more women spies than men. Most cases meaning across time and continents.

Giving me a movie on samurai? Women were trained as well to avoid being captured and raped, and often fought just as hard as men. One woman notably survived multiple battles, and became a hero alongside her sisters after taking out 7 men before dying in her last fight (usually in sword fighting you’d be lucky to take out 2 enemy soldiers. 7 is fucking insane, but because she was a woman it was shoved under the records how the lord managed to survive).

Women have ALWAYS been on battlefields. Women have an intense history in driving victories and losses alike. They were supply runners, fighters, spies, assassins, prostitutes (look up how prostitutes essentially ran the western world, or even the social status of harem members. They literally fucking ruled), even underground activists.

The only time there weren’t many women were with cowboys. Actual western cowboys tended to be both POC and gay. In fact, any time women didn’t have a near equal or greater presence, there was a LOT of gay men.

History: either 80% female or 100% gay. And it’s 95% POC.

(via textpostsforyears)

calamitys-child:

Me reading academic papers: incoherent nonsense. Bullshit. I could write better than this in my sleep

Me writing academic papers: this sentence is 206 words long and contains 19 commas & a semicolon, fuck you

(via imveryportobellomushroom)